It's just never simple with us...

I have come to the conclusion that nothing is ever going to be simple for Jake and I. Let me just tell you about the past week. To put it lightly, it was the week from hell. Before I go into the whole story let me assure that everything is fine, and my tests came back good. But, here is what we have been through in the past week.

Last Wednesday I called the OB office to ask a simple question, when I spoke with the nurse she said that my tests came back and they were all good. I was very happy with this news, and was starting to feel excited about the baby; really excited for the first time.

Then on Thursday, I received a call around noon. It was the nurse for my midwife. She said that the midwife would like to see me before my next appointment, to go over the results of my tests. She told me that they had an opening that day at 3:30. So, I told her I would be there. I knew that Jake would be able to meet me, because he gets off work around that time.
I proceed to the OB clinic a little anxious; why would she call us in for good news? Jake and I had to wait for over an hour to be seen, during which the nurse who called me said that we would be seen asap, but that she had “worked” us in. This made me really nervous. I wasn’t told that I was being “worked” in. I was told they had an opening. I am trying to remain calm, but hormones aren’t letting me do that easily. We finally get a room, and the midwife comes in. She sits down and cuts to the chase. This is what she says:
“I wanted you to come in because I have bad news, your HIV test came back positive.”

Yeah. You can imagine how that news was taken. I thought I was going to fall off the table. I couldn’t see Jake because of the way we were sitting, but I’m pretty sure he looked like a ghost.
I proceeded to tell her that it is impossible and the test HAS to be a false positive. She just looks at us skeptically; mainly at Jake. We both explain to her that we have only ever slept with each other, never have done any type of drugs, and have never had blood transfusions. I mean come on guys, we are monk like. Our parents couldn’t have asked for better kids.
She tells us that she is going to need to run some more tests to see how much of the virus I had, so they knew when they needed to start treatment and how much they needed to treat. It was cut and dry. No hope. I asked her if it could be a false-positive, and she did say that she had a patient before that had one. But she wasn’t very convincing. I then asked her what could cause a false-positive. She tells me that there are 100’s of viruses that could cause it. But once again, she isn’t convincing. She is looking at us like we would look at a starving puppy. I ask her how it would affect the baby. She told us that with medication it was a very low risk of the baby having it too. But, that I would have to have a cesarean, and wouldn’t be able to breastfeed. I was devastated.

Jake and I go home, in a daze. I go to bed and stay there for the rest of the night. I think I slept, but it was from sheer exhaustion from sobbing for a few hours. I managed to get up and go to work on Friday; although, I wasn’t really good for anything. I did what little research I could. I didn’t want anyone at work to know until we got the other blood work back; no need for everyone to have unnecessary worry or freak out. I did find out that there are many reason why a test could come back false-positive. And, of course being the weird person I am, I had at least 5-6 reasons listed on the CDC’s list. This made me feel a little better. Not a lot, but it gave me a little hope. I called my midwife and talked/cried on the phone to her about it and asked a few questions. She had more answers on the phone, concerning things that could cause it to be positive. I thought this really sucked, because she could have given me some of that information the day before. She basically said that Jake and I were telling the 100% truth, my tests should come back negative.

By the end of Friday, I had decided that I had cried enough. I was not going to believe it. I told Jake that I wasn’t going to believe it because it was impossible. Of course, the whole crying thing only lasted until I got home. As soon as I saw how upset he was, I broke down. I wasn’t even upset about the whole being sick and dying thing, I was upset because I didn’t know if he really believed me. I can deal with a lot, but loosing Jake’s trust isn’t one of them. That is one thing that would absolutely kill me; especially if it was about something that I was truly innocent. We spent the evening in the bedroom again. My mom called and we talked for a long time. She made me feel a lot better. By the time we got off the phone I had my resolve back. Saturday and Sunday weren’t awful, but I think we were just numb. We didn’t hear back from the midwife until this past Wednesday, 6 days later. She called me at 5:30pm. She told me that my tests came back negative. She had re-run the first tests and done the viral load, all came back negative; completely negative. They don't know why the first one was positive. She said she guessed it was just human error. She profusely apologized for us having to go through what we did, and having to wait so long. I was of course relieved, and for the first time in a week smiled.

I knew that the test was bogus, but it really messes with your head. It caused a lot of unnecessary questions to rise between Jake and I, but in the end, I think it really made us stronger as a couple. We learned to really cling to each other and not loose faith in each other. Now it is almost a joke that we got so upset. I told someone that I felt like I needed a T-shirt that said “I’m a Survivor!” I will say that it makes everything else look petty now. :-)

I am going to write another blog with some of the things I found out through extensive research concerning these tests. Women need to know about these tests, and how inaccurate they can really be, both positive and negative. If health care providers would provide proper education, it would help prevent a lot of unnecessary stress.