I am tired. At 24 I realize that I am tired for a lot of reasons. Tired of being used, tired of being forgotten, tired of being the friend that is always there, and getting nothing in return. Not that there haven’t been good times. There have been great times. But I am at the place in my life where I need a friend who will not bail on me at the first sign of trouble. Someone who will support me no matter what. I have always been that friend, and I thought I would receive the same in return. I was wrong. But, that is ok. I had a conversation with such a friend recently. It concerned whether or not someone could be happy with someone else after 40 yrs. I argued that you could, and that I would be with Jake. They argued the opposite. Their reason was that things are harder now, and because of that it is impossible to truly be happy with someone else. I argued back saying that a person’s happiness is their responsibility. We choose to be happy, to not let things bog us down. We choose to work with our partners and respect each other. That life is only as hard as we make it. Her reply was that I am just an idealist.
It is such a sad existence that this person will lead the rest of their lives. At first I was really hurt by this same friend. But, I now realize that it is the best thing for me and my family. Being around someone that is consistently negative will adversely affect my household and me as a person. I choose not to live like this any longer. I choose to be happy. I CHOOSE THIS. At first I felt like I was being forced into a situation, which in return made me panic. Not anymore. I know we will be fine. We will survive. We always have. We have great family, and few real friends. I wish this friend the best in life. She is going to need it. Most people would not have been as accommodating as Jake and I have been. This has been a long time coming. I will miss her, I will always love her; I just can’t bend over backwards for her any longer.
So, in closing, if you are reading this:
Good luck in everything. I hope happiness finds you; that you recognize it, embrace it, and learn from it.
2 comments:
i have always felt like happiness was a choice--as is love. That's why in mine and Dave's vows we said we would always "choose" to love each other. Love, nor happiness, rarely happens by chance. We have to control what the world calls our "destiny." I know that you and Jake, and Dave and I will try our hardest to be happy in 40 years. And why not? Our men really are hilarious, and without humor ya just can't survive. Plus--they adore us, and who wouldn't??? lol :)
Heather, I am sorry that this friend has abused your kindnesses. I also totally agree with you 100 percent on the happiness issue. I tell people this all the time, if we chose to be happy and loving and forgiving, we will be. If we chose to dwell on sadness and things someone may or may not have done, we will be miserable. You have always been a ray of sunshine to others, even when you were little and I worked at the Homeplace for that short time. I always enjoyed being around you. Yes, we CAN be married and happy and fulfilled for a lifetime if we work at it!!!!
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